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July 14th 2002 This weekend Kevin and I finally had enough courage to visit the cinema again. We hadn't been since March when we had seen the new version of The Time Machine. Previous cinema visits had been so traumatic that we had become members of the local video club and watched about 3 films a week. Fortunately, there hadn't really been any decent films released since March that really made us want to venture inside a cinema again.....until of course Star Wars. It had actually been released in May and we were planning to go and see it whilst we were in England. But it was the first week of its release there and when the opportunity arose for us to see it (whilst we were in Glasgow) we found all performances sold out. However, we did go and see About A Boy which we thoroughly enjoyed not only because the film was good but because the whole cinema going experience was good too. So why had Kevin and I become cinemaphobics? What was preventing us from enjoying the pleasures of the big screen? Every visit we made to a cinema was an ordeal. First of all, there isn't a cinema really close to us. The nearest one is not in walking distance and on a weekend the bus doesn't run. When do most people go to the pictures?......At the weekend. They're not cheap either. Kevin got rather annoyed with me once when we hurried across downtown in order to make the afternoon showing of K-PAX only for me to refuse to pay the $8.75 entry fee. Once I realised that this is the cost of most cinemas here I let Kevin pay it with no arguments. The cinemas are filthy too. The carpets and chairs are worn and stained with God knows what. Popcorn and other foodstuffs are strewn everywhere. You really feel the need to wash your hands when you come out. Now if you are one of those people who finds peoples' bad eating habits annoying and who insists on complete quiet when watching a film then you know where I am coming from. If you're not fussed, I think you soon would be after being in an American cinema. Basically, when Americans say they're going for 'dinner and a movie', they generally mean at the same time. Seeing a film is an excuse to stuff yourself with as much fast food as possible. When you sit in the theatre all you can hear is popcorn being devoured, nachos covered in questionable cheese (could be plastic?) being crunched and giant flagons of coke being slurped. They have to have the volume turned right up just to be heard above the masticating animals watching the film. But along with the noise of the food you also get the smell. Now I say the cheese is questionable because it smells like something not of this earth. The vapours waft across the cinema in waves as each couple brings in their giant fast food picnic into the cinema. Now, one word that is often used to describe the Americans is loud. That is so true. And unfortunately the adolescent American is louder than them all and because they don't listen, find themselves asking their friends what is happening all the way through the film. You know in England, there is always an advert at the start which tells you not to talk during the film, don't smoke, put your litter in the bin and generally be courteous to your fellow filmgoers. In America, you get a request to put your mobile phone onto silent or vibrate. That's it! Of course, anything else would be violating the constitutional rights of Americans because after all we are in the land of the free! The last time we went to the cinema Kevin was subjected to moron abuse by the man behind him. Because Kevin sat in the chair in front of him he continually kicked the back of his chair all through the film and made a point of roughly grabbing the back of his chair when he got up to leave. When we were back in England it was a cinematic joy watching About A Boy. The Glasgow cinema, was new and clean and more importantly everyone in the auditorium wanted to watch the film. Not fill their faces or talk to their mates. Those on the backseats may have done other things but as long as they were quiet about it , who cares? So it was with mixed emotions that we entered the cinema in order to eventually go and see Star Wars Episode II - Attack of the Clones. We went to a cinema downtown as it was only one of two that was still showing the film. The auditorium wasn't very full which was good news and we chose seats that were not in front of anybody to avoid any confrontations. And then it started. The popcorn crunching. And our highly attuned ears could pick out each and every 10 tonne bucket of the stuff. And then a couple entered and sat in the row in front of us but we could smell them (their food I mean) before we could see them. Fortunately, I was able to switch off after a while and concentrated on the film. And was the film good? Well, I didn't think it was very Star Wars-ish but it was an integral part of the story, However, its off to the video shop again next weekend until the next Harry Potter film is released. And then I think we might have to make the 3,000 mile trip home just to see it!
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Copyright© Gillian Blakey 2002 Allow myself to introduce.........myself |
